There comes a point for everyone of us where we have to decide what matters and what doesn’t, who matters and who doesn’t. There’s always a why associated with it. Why does that matter? Why doesn’t he matter, or she matter? It is a significant thing when someone or something matters in your life. Like an honour, a bit of power given to the person or the thing. So it is a sad moment when you realize that someone or something shouldn’t matter anymore. It’s about what’s important though, isn’t it?
What is important to you is what makes something matter or not. For example, my children – they are worth an investment of emotion, love, communication, whatever – it doesn’t mean our relationship is perfect, it means that they matter. Why? Because I love them, and they represent the love I shared with Kevin. Likewise my home is also important to me. It is a safe haven, a controlled space free from drama. My home therefore matters to me, it is more than a house and it represents something to me, something that I value in many ways.
I have decided that other people’s drama is what shouldn’t matter in my life. I don’t handle it well, I don’t like what it does to people, I don’t like what it does to me. I think that drama only sucks you in when you let the people creating the drama, forcing an event or discussion, have power in your life. Perhaps I am too clinical, and it’s “easier said than done”, but I don’t think so. I think it is important to take a step back before you go down a path that may be treacherous and full of emotional stress to determine if there is any value to be gained. Is it important to you? Does it matter? Is someone else driving or controlling the drama? Are they worth the effort, your effort?
One of my biggest self learnings through the grieving process was that I have limited emotional energy and need to ensure I only expend it when absolutely necessary. It’s the only thing I can control completely – what’s important and what matters to me. Those are the things worth caring about.