One of the things I learned from my visit with the Mediums was how incredibly good it felt to finally let go. Even for a brief period of time. It was amazing. I went home that day and took a nap which lasted for 3 to 4 hours, got up, made dinner and headed back to bed landing another solid 8 hours. I was able to sleep, a good, deep sleep. What that told me is that I can go to sleep without using anything to help me get there, or stay there. There are ways, one just has to find them.
I know I carry an amount of stress, most people do. I know that exercise is a good thing to relieve stress. It was actually the first “prescription” my doctor gave me after Kevin died. She gave it to me knowing that I wouldn’t do it. The last thing I wanted to do after my husband died was go outside. I wanted to hunker down in my house, to lie mindlessly in my bed and will the time away. I suspect that I may have done that, but frankly, I don’t remember much from those first few months. My visits to the doctor were quite regular then; apparently it is a slippery slope into depression or mental illness after a shock like a death and so she monitored me closely. I had to see her every few weeks, she’d administer some tests, we’d talk about coping – and invariably she’d suggest that I get outside and walk, run, just generally move. Thanks Doc, but that is just not me, it’s my nature to hide – and so, I struggled on.
What I learned at the healing session, was how good it was to clear my mind. To relax enough to let someone else in. It sounds so simple, but worry, stress, fear, sorrow, all of those feelings are heavy, pervasive, and unformed in the mind, making them massive, overwhelming – best to avoid. This nebulous mass is not easy to shift out of one’s consciousness. It takes an act of will to move them, because first you have to recognize them. To recognize them is to face loss, the memory of death, the very things you are running from. That’s why you numb your mind in order to sleep – to stop the sadness from preventing rest. So it was a pleasant surprise when, during the meditation, I was able to listen to the words, move with them in thought without the darkness taking over, and consequently, gained some relief.
What this experience has done is sent me on a quest for the definitive meditation. I am thankful for YouTube. I’ve started to explore the meditative offerings out there and was pleased to see that a good number of them have been uploaded in their entirety and are available to try. My first goal is to try and actually get through one completely – I keep falling asleep! Maybe it is just who I chose for my first sampling of meditations – Deepak Chopra. (Why study with the student when the master is available?) Anyway, I find sleep comes reasonably easy listening to him, and I have to say, what a nice problem to have.