I haven’t written on here for a while. I got caught up in trying to create a life post Kevin’s death. Last year, I decided to move houses, and once the decision was made it happened very quickly. I sold the house that we raised the kids in, and it wasn’t an easy decision to do that. The house was so full of memories and, really, of Kevin.
I’ve moved into a much smaller house, perfect for one person. I am starting to make it my own, and anticipate the spring weather so I can discover the gardens. I have new neighbors, they don’t know me and I don’t know them – absolute bliss!! And I am toying with giving the house it’s own name. A sign nailed to the tree in the front yard. I am leaning towards something like “Safe Haven”, because that is what I envision this place to be. My little nest tucked away from the chaos of life.
Now I need to get back to the business of writing. It’s been too long since I sat down and let my thoughts flow. I feel like perhaps I am closing the circle of grief just a little, I can’t explain what that means, just that there was an intensity and drive for expression right after Kevin died, and then a lull or void where it didn’t matter. Now that apathy has passed and my interest is back and it just feels good. It could be because it’s spring, it could just be time, it could be the imminent birth of another grandchild; it could be all of those things.
I reflect though on how everything has changed and yet the things I feared through change didn’t come to be. I survived it. Family stayed strong, memories remain, love remains, friends remain. Life goes on, smaller and bigger at the same time, but always moving forward.