Living Alone

So, I now live on my own.  Entirely.  Well, me and the cat.  Its a different existence for sure.  I have found that I need to be somewhat disciplined to make it work.  Seems contrary to what one would expect.  Really, the notion of living alone could suggest utter independence, self-sufficiency, self-reliance, and freedom.  It can be all those things for sure, but it can also be lonely, isolated, and frustrating.  Frustrating in that I am it, just me.  There is no sharing of chores, no in-house second opinion or sounding board, no voice of reason. Isolated in that once I am inside my little house, it’s on me to reach out and engage my friends if I am feeling low.  Lonely obviously because the cat, charming as he may be, is not the most stimulating of company.

As a result I have learned some coping mechanisms that work for me.  I have learned to be more structured in my activities.  It’s easy to zone out in front of the television, but it’s not healthy.  So I ensure I work out before the tv goes on.  My go-to for dinner for the first year or so after Kev died was a cup of tea and about 8 Ritz crackers (god I love those things), but that’s not very healthy.  So now it’s a planned meal, always a little prep involved because that uses up some time too.

I tend to plan my weekends well in advance.  Have someone over, or go out some place.  There are a lot of people just like me, on their own, not in a relationship, and just looking for stuff to do.  It takes a bit to get used to arriving places solo, or going someplace on your own, and I am not quite to the point where I will go to a movie on my own, but I’m getting there.  Oh and then there’s on line dating…. lol that’s a story for another time.  I never would have ever expected to be where I am, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles, isn’t it?

I Ache

Wowsie, I tried a little bit of exercise this week and I am still hurting.  It wasn’t even anything big, just some stretching and some exercises based on Callanetics.  But apparently I have absolutely no muscles left.  I’ve come along way in the two and half years since Kevin died.  I was so dedicated to staying well during the time he was ill – I had to stay well and fit, he needed me.  We juiced everyday, we’d have smoothies with spinach, kefir, flaxseed oil, greens, banana, fresh fruit and veg, it tasted so good.   Kevin harped at me every day to be healthy and to make sure I ate right and did the right things.  He was trying all sorts of natural remedies too, so I had to eat them along with him.

Oh, and we also walked.  Kevin and I walked every day up until a couple of weeks before he died.  Remarkable really, through the ice and snow. I would strap some ice grabbers on his feet, we’d take the walker, and away we’d go.  It was only when the visiting nurse told him it was dangerous for him to walk anywhere that he stopped, not only walking but also trying.  Take away hope and you leave nothing.

Anyway, thinking back to how I physically felt at that time I’d have to say I felt very good.  Psychologically a mess, but physically in great shape.  So, I think it’s time to get back to what worked for me. I used two exercise routines, and I liked them. The Genius of Flexibility by Bob Cooley, and Callanetics by Callan Pinckney. Nothing ached when I was following my own hybrid version of their routines.  But, to get back to that point I foresee a whole bunch of pain!