This past weekend I paid a visit to my son and his family. They live around five hours away when travelling by car. Two weeks ago his wife gave birth to twins – boy and girl. How his father would have talked up that! No history of twins on either side of the family. A completely unplanned pregnancy – especially since they already had three little boys, 6, 4 and almost two years of age. Now they have 5 little ones. Such a crazy chaotic life stretches before them!
It was awesome to meet the two newest babies – and they are perfect in every way. Hard too, since it was the one thing that Kevin would go on about – how after he retired he planned on taking the grandchildren, the boys, there were no girls at that point, and have them come and stay with us for the summer. He loved those kids and had great plans for them, plans he would never get to see through- so it was hard. I have six grandchildren now, three of which never met him, that will only hear stories about their larger-than-life granddad.
When Kevin was close to the end, my son’s wife found out she was pregnant with her third child. I couldn’t tell Kevin about the pregnancy, it would have broken him even more. It was a hard thing to do, I know my son wanted his father to know. But I couldn’t tell his dad, a man that family was everything to. To know he wouldn’t be there for the birth of a child would have caused him so much pain. Right or wrong, I made the decision, Kevin had suffered so much, and he had anguished over everything, I couldn’t add to his burden.
As he got sicker, Kevin would tell me over and over that I got a bum deal when I married him. How sorry he was that he got sick, for letting me down. He told me that I had to be there for the kids because he wouldn’t be able to. His family was everything to him, and I like to believe that it still is. Somewhere, somehow he carries a light to guide us forward. That when I cradled those little ones on the weekend their grandfather was right there with me. I believe his love certainly was.
What a crazy thing emotion is, that so much joy and so much sorrow can be in one’s heart at the same time. But that’s how it was when I heard about the babies, so happy and so sad at the same time. I say this often, because it’s true, I miss you so much Kevin.