When did aging get associated with stupidity or loss of intellect? Here in Ontario it seems that for women who age, especially women on their own, a general assumption is made that they can no longer make decisions for themselves. I’m not talking about women on their 50’s or 60’s, it’s more women who are in their 70’s and on up. And it’s typically their own kids that start to treat them like they are mentally deficient.
We are in a society where age is not valued. For years the mandatory retirement age suggested that at 65 years of age you ceased to be a productive, valued member of society. Mandatory retirement at 65 was lifted in Canada in 2012; however, the stigma about older employees in the workplace is still entact. The younger generation have been raised to believe that an older employee is an impediment to progress and productivity. That older employees are stuck in the past and offer no real value to the future – the legacy of mandatory retirement. Thankfully the mandatory age has been lifted. It actually forced a large part of society into poverty.
Our messaging in the workplace translated to outside of the workplace, and more especially so for women. Years of ingrained stereotyping about menopausal women and post menopausal women suggested that there was a mental instability resulting from loss of fertility, ‘mood swings’. Heck up until the 1960s in some civilized countries menopause was still viewed as an insanity that women were afflicted with. Perhaps this factored into the wage inequity, the belief that women were born flawed and consequently had limits to their capacity for intellectual development. Regardless of why, the wage disparity exists, the perceptions of menopause as a physical deficiency still exist.
Put them together: mandatory retirement (you’re old and have no value) + you are a woman 65+ (been to the crazy land of menopause and back) + as a woman you likely earned far less than a man = somebody better look after you, because you can’t do it yourself, emotionally or financially. We are moving away from this view, but it takes time, patience and persistence in looking for the systemic imbalances related to long held notions.
Then, individually, we have a responsibility, as we age a lot is tied to the actions we ourselves take. Sure it’s easier at some point, especially when you are on your own, to say to friends or family, ‘I can’t think about it’, or ‘I don’t know what to do, tell me what to do’, or the ultimate transfer of power: ‘you decide for me’. It’s when it gets said perpetually that the dynamics can change. Much depends on how you allow your relationships to evolve. Know your motivations, if you play the ‘poor me’ then you will be treated like the ‘poor me’. But in some instances it’s the mature children who come in and steamroller the parent into submission. There’s no choice involved. Whether it’s a lack of time, patience or concern, the child makes the decisions, the parent allows it to happen and, consequently, the parent becomes the child in all aspects of decision-making. It’s why does the parent allow it to happen that’s important.
Is it fear of being alone? Is it because it’s easier? When do the dynamics in the relationship start to shift? Is this a financially-driven decision to cede over one’s autonomy to another? Is it because there aren’t enough supports in the community to ensure continued independence? I have to look for studies in this regard, to see what’s out there. But for those of us who are getting older I suggest watching this video about a man who retired to start a whole new adventure, and didn’t miss a step in his enjoyment of life.