Life goes on. A week ago I was worrying about my sister-in-law. Another surgery in the books, and not an easy one. A full five hour operation, so a lot of anesthesia that can make for a lousy recovery. She came through it okay, but nothing is ever easy for her. By day two there were some issues and worries, but here we are just over a week later and she’s home and on the mend.
It was tough walking into the hospital again. The last time I was there I was with Kevin, my Kevin. It didn’t end so good for him. Fortunately, the outcome was better this time. Still, it was an emotionally draining seven or eight days riddled by recollections of Kevin and worries about June. And so the memories are all back up and fresh in my mind. This has been a week of tears. A week where I have said his name so many times, hoping for a sign, a message, anything. I miss him.
It doesn’t help that there is also emotion and sadness in my workplace as one of my co-workers goes into her final decline. Not someone I worked with, but a person I knew of and admired for her spirit and determination. Her immediate team will be pierced by loss, and that loss is imminent. I recognize that this news has destabilized me, I feel so deeply for the family she will leave behind, even though I have never met them. My loss is old, their’s will be new. It has nothing to do with me, and yet it has the power to make my heart ache.
Kevin used to say he was a man of extreme highs and extreme lows, and he was. But really isn’t that what life is, a series of highs and lows. Sometimes it feels like the waves will pull you down and drown you and other times you just float on the surface and bask in the sun. We are all at different points and that’s all it is.