The Constant Struggle


I was driving home tonight after a game of cards with my sister-in-law.  It was late and the roads were empty.  I had the radio on to keep me company and a commentary came on called “push and pull.”  Basically it was all about how life was either one motion or the other.  As situations and events occur in our lives we are either pushed into them or pulled into them.

It spoke about the willingness or reluctance of our individual participation.  The monologue was really about striving more to have it be the ‘pull’ than the ‘push’ that influences what we do.  The word ‘pull’ was interpreted more as an attraction or desire drawing us in, versus the ‘push’ which meant resistance, disengagement, lack of interest. The positive and the negative.

It really resonated with me, because over the last couple of years, for the most part, life has been a ‘push’ for me.  I consciously have to battle with myself to make the effort to participate.  With Kevin’s death, I found I had no desire to do much of anything, after all for 30+ years he had been my world.  After he died pretty much everything was a ‘push’ for me.  It’s only lately that I have begun to feel a ‘pull’ with respect to any activities to occupy my time.  I feel the urge to write again – and for me that’s a tremendous relief.

Such a simplistic representation of life, and it describes my challenges completely.  To be ‘pulled’ or to be ‘pushed.’  My gratification and satisfaction levels raise exponentially when it’s the ‘pull’ that is the source of my motivation, so I guess I need to focus more on finding things that I am ‘pulled’ toward.

Any thoughts or experiences to share? Leave them here.

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