So really what is time? It can mean different things throughout life. A year and a half has passed since Kevin died – sometimes it feels like yesterday, other times it feels like a totally different life. I can recall some things so vividly, then there are others that I can’t – I may try, but I can’t remember. Then out of the blue when I least expect it I get hit with a wham! Then it becomes a matter of managing the thoughts, not letting them overwhelm me. Saving the emotions for later, for private.
The summer has come to an end and it has been an eventful one. My sister visited, cousins from England visited, my daughter and her family moved in, and before I knew it, the summer was gone. Time passes.
As the season changes and it gets darker, it becomes easier to fall into feeling sad. Once the snow flies and we all go into a human state of hibernation, I will do it again on my own – day after day, plod along. No one to play cribbage with or to hunker down on the couch and watch movies with – just me. For a while I will have the kids around, but it’s not the same; nice – but not the same. They will eventually move out, as they should, they need to find their forever home.
I may sound a little depressed, but I’m not. I think I am a little more aware of everything that’s all. It’s time to find some coping techniques, something to do, to be busy, maybe creative. My world is not about to become rainbows and sunshine, but it doesn’t have to be a storm of emotions; it can be pleasant, however that looks.