I just got back from my first vacation. The ‘first’ since Kevin died. Since his death I have heard repeatedly from different sources to never say no to new adventures. To try new things, not discard them out of hand. And so, when my sister suggested a cruise, I decided to try it. A cruise is completely outside of my comfort zone, not high on my list of things to try. Give me an all-inclusive on the ground any day. But, as a nod to the suggestion, I decided to say yes, and then spent the next three months wondering why on earth I had.
There was apprehension on my part for several reasons. I wondered if I would be able to enjoy it at all – my heart aches so. It’s coming up 11 months and I miss Kevin every day. I worried that I wouldn’t enjoy the cruise experience, would I get seasick. I was afraid of what would happen to my family while I was away, what if something went wrong and I wasn’t there for them. Finally, I hoped I wouldn’t be one giant drag for my sister.
I’m back and the world carried on just fine. The kids got by without me for a week. Even the pets did! I didn’t get seasick or have any issues in that regard. The cruise was great fun; my sister was excellent company. I did have my moments though, it was inevitable. One morning we met a couple of sisters travelling together just like us, one married, one widowed. The conversation with these ladies was the hardest one I had on the trip and served to remind me that my experience is a shared one.
I am happy to be home, no doubt about it. I have lots of observations about the cruise experience. In a confined space with so many diverse people travelling together it was interesting just people watching. One thing for sure is that most people are highly self-conscious and insecure. So much posturing – to what end? We were a ship of strangers, no need to impress; it’s about relaxing not stressing. Perhaps this was the biggest difference in my first vacation without Kevin, I spent more of it thinking rather than doing.