It’s been a busy couple of weeks for everyone. There have been moments, which we all expected. For me the hardest day, bar none, was this morning. I woke up realizing that Kevin never lived or breathed, he did not and will not exist for even one day in 2016. Thinking about 2015, I could, in my mind, place him in my world, within the family, part of it; laughing, singing, drawing and, towards the end, just radiating his love outwards. Now, with the changing of the year, he was part of a time and place that is truly gone, past.
I read the post my daughter put on her Facebook page and cried like most of her friends likely did. I asked her if I could share it here – and she agreed. She wrote:
“Reflecting on 2015 has been bittersweet. In February I had my crazy, busy, lovable, strong willed child. In March we lost our dad, my baby lost his granddad, my mom lost her soul mate, many, many people lost a dear friend and our world forever changed. I got to witness and be a part of the beautiful weddings of lifelong friends, but watching their dads walk them down the aisle, and watching the coveted father-daughter dances was a staunch reminder of what I’ll never have.
I battled postpartum, and cried so many tears I think I could have filled a pool. 2015 was literally the most confusing year of my entire life, I’m ready to say goodbye to it, but I also want to hang onto it. In 2015 I got to hug and kiss my father, smell his skin, hear his voice, and look into his eyes. Also 2015 I created life, and watched friends take the plunge into a new chapter.
In 2015 I rekindled old friendships, made new friends and rediscovered love. I found strength I didn’t know I had and the courage to say I’m not okay. I’ve felt the love and kindness of others lift me up when I couldn’t myself. Although I say goodbye to 2015 with a heavy heart, I welcome 2016 with light, love, and peace (and hopefully a baby that sleeps through the night!).
I wish everyone a very happy 2016! And thank you to the most amazing friends and family a girl could ask for!”
I was fortunate to have all my children home for Christmas. Along with the children, family and friends stopped by, and life went on – as it should. Things will never be the same without Kevin, but things still will be – and it’s important to include laughter, joy and hope among the things we share. Last Christmas was special but at the time we didn’t know how special it was – we still hoped for a miracle. This Christmas was special too, in a much different way – we went into it painfully aware of how amazing life is and how precious it is to love someone – even for a while.