I’ve finished reading another one of the books I was given after my husband’s death. The book is “Talking to Heaven” by James Van Praagh. In fairness, I have to state that reading does not come easily to me as of yet. It still is difficult to focus for any period of time. I find that after a few pages I either lose interest or alternately get lost in the context of the book. So it’s a slow go.
In “Talking to Heaven” Van Praagh provides examples of sessions held over the course of his practicing as a medium. Some of the transcripts are fairly compelling, however, the author does have full creative license in how he conveys the details of his sessions; consequently the book presented to me simply as stories on a page. It’s not that I believe or I don’t, it’s just that the practical, pragmatic side of me wonders about the authenticity of the experience recounted. I recognize that the book was written to a specific audience, to people who are looking for more, for comfort and hope after the death of someone they loved. As well, I have to acknowledge a significant influence at the time I read this book was my mental frame of mind. I continue to be emotionally drained, spiritually low, and mentally tired and this was the state I was in as I read this book – nearly devoid of all energy and interest. Consequently, stories about strangers deriving solace from a meeting with a medium just didn’t resonate with me.
Despite not engaging with the book I continued on to the end. It was a struggle, however, almost at the end of the book I found the reason why I had persisted in reading. In the concluding pages, Van Praagh provides some meditations to assist in “Saying Good-bye to Loved Ones.” Reading the meditations I became very emotional. The imagery gently supports the release of love, sorrow, loss and peace. For me, the meditation provides the perception of a beginning, middle, end as well as an epilogue to love shared. It offers me emotional continuity.
The disconnect in loving someone for a long time and then having them die is tremendous. It can’t be described. The end of July will mark four months since my husband died and I am still lost in my emotion. I’m not alone though. My family and close friends continue to struggle as well. I see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. There are days when I can’t deal with my own pain, let alone someone else’s. For the past week I have tried to run from it, from raw emotion. I know that I can’t always run, and that it’s not healthy to run or hide from things that are painful. This is where the meditation will be invaluable. As emotional as it is, it is also deeply satisfying.
I will start in on the next book I was given – ” Proof of Heaven” by Eben Alexander, M.D. It is the story of a neurosurgeon’s near death experience. I expect it to be well written, but also likely fairly weighty in content. Likely another slow go ahead.