For some, death can be a blessed relief. I’ve seen and known people crippled by terminal disease, where the body continued long after the essence of the being left. Instances where pain and suffering destroyed the individual and left a remnant of the person that once was. For these terminal patients the effort of civility, of being social, is inconceivable and they retreat to their own private hell waiting for the inevitable. For caregivers of these individuals the sense of mourning likely started long before the actual death of the physical body. Fortunately, for me this was not the case. Kevin suffered, but he never lost his spirit, interest, sense of humour or devotion to his family. His death came quickly at the end; far too fast for our family. With respect to mourning and loss, there can be a considerable difference in the reaction and healing process based on individual experience. For my family we were dropped into a pit of sorrow before we were ready; for others the sorrow and loss may have commenced long before the death occurs.
One thing that I have learned through this experience is that it is a singular experience. What I have felt could never be the same as what anyone else has felt. My loss reflects my relationship, values, family, health, state of mind, even my employment, at the time of my husband’s death. Based on this uniqueness of being that each and every one of us possess, there is no way that any one experience could be exactly the same as someone else’s. Likewise, how I present my response, my grief and sense of loss writing this blog reflects an instant in time where I shared my reflections. My words are not meant to be judgemental, they are solely my impressions and thoughts captured at a fleeting moment in time and based on my own experience.
Only the individual can determine how they will grieve since the experience and the loss was close and personal and unique to them. They will move forward how and when they are ready. For me, I believe that I walk this path alone even though I am surrounded by family and friends. I love them and thank them and need them, (I do need you!), however, it’s on me, and only me, to find my way.