As we try to adjust to the ever-changing world of a cancer patient, I wonder what normal is? Will we ever have normal (be it as an adjective or as a noun) again? This journey has turned our world upside down and then plopped it back right side up but a little worse for wear. We are like a house lifted by a tornado, that twirls around and then free falls back to earth. We have a shaky sense of security about life in general. There are no sure things or guarantees about tomorrow, next week, next month. Initially we were paralysed by fear, literally unable to fit anything else into our world other than cancer. It’s a dark place to stay in and I feel for those who enter it and never have the respite that we have been given.
Our new approach to life has meant some rather significant changes in our lifestyle that include diet and exercise – two things that really are crucial to any healthy lifestyle but are essentials in our situation. The appointments and blood work remain a key part of monitoring my husband’s health and in the next four weeks we already know that he will require – blood work tomorrow (prior to the bone infusion), the bone infusion, blood work for his diabetes, blood work the last week of December and a CT Scan the first week of January. All this in preparation for his meeting with Oncology on January 13th.
Our new normal is not yet in place. We are still learning the ropes with respect to how to use diet to push back cancer. The appointments and the associated uncertainty of the results of the various tests creates lingering fear that impacts on how we live. Maybe the underlying fear is our new normal … I just don’t know. I do know that what goes on in our heads, the unconscious dialogue that we have with ourselves can assist us or prevent us in moving forward. Positive affirmations have become part of our way of life.
Despite the fact that my husband has received some incredibly good news there still remains many unknowns, a lot of questions and the all pervasive fear.
There remains the residual effects of the battle.