This day is almost in the books and we move on to tomorrow. There is an ominous feeling that just doesn’t want to go away. My husband reminded me that the last time he had a CT scan he got the worst news of his life. Consequently, having this second CT scan does not generate a feel good sensation. He’s quiet and preoccupied. For him he views it almost as a lose-lose. His reasoning: if it is working then he has to have more chemotherapy which knocks him out and makes him feel awful; if it isn’t working then he’s spent three months feeling lousy for nothing. It’s hard to reach him and futile anyway. This is his own private hell. Nothing I say has any weight – because we don’t have the answer yet.
I truly do believe that the chemo has helped. I also think that if he gets a good or at least decent report as a result of the CT scan his spirits will lift considerably. Today is just a point in time and tomorrow will bring a whole new perspective. We’ve had a large number of communications via phone and text from friends and family today, and I’ve shared every one with him. There is a world of love around him and he knows it, it may not seem like he does, but he definitely knows it.
His sister’s surgery went well and we even had a chance to get a quick visit in with her. She was in good spirits, a little drugged which made it quite funny. It was good to see her and it took a large part of the worry away. So on to our major hurdle for this week – finding out if we gained more quality time with a special guy.