A Cranky Man


It’s bound to happen during this whole ordeal.  A day where I am under fire for everything I do.  I push the pills at him, I nag him, I move things I shouldn’t, I won’t shut up and on and on.  Although it’s easy to get hurt, and I am, I get it.  I just happen to be the closest and most convenient person to let loose on.  So it’s a matter of time and space I think.  I’ve physically removed myself from his immediate area to give him some solitude.  It’s a frustrating journey for both of us. 

Today maybe I did invite a little backlash, but it had to be done.  It’s day five, post chemo treatment 2.  He had hydration day 1 and 2, but decided he could get his own fluids in for the next couple of days.  Well that was a dismal failure, so now he feels lousy.  He’s hardly drinking and hardly eating.  It’s a vicious circle – he needs to take the anti-nausea meds but he doesn’t feel like drinking.  His throat is sore, he has thrush, he doesn’t feel like eating.  The wash for his mouth makes him feel ill.  I can tell him all I want that eating food, drinking fluids and rinsing his mouth will make him feel better but, as he has pointed out, I don’t have a clue about what he’s feeling so just zip it.  So I have.  However, I left the anti-nausea meds by his chair (and he has taken them already), I’ve put two different kinds of beverages out for him to sip on (and he is), and he does the thrush rinse because he’s not stupid.  So I know it is frustration talking when he lashes out and I have to remember it’s not a personal attack.  This is likely a pretty normal situation for most caregivers but again it’s all new to me and it is my reality and so I cope.

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